I have to say up front that I never, ever, ever intended to keep the kids from their dad. I respect him as a father and a parent, and if there was one thing that we usually agreed on... it was the kids.
However. During the D proceedure... I have to say it was tough for me to go the 50/50 route... simply because I think that doing that never gives the kids a place to call their own. But. We took some time in doing the 50/50 split to see how the 'kids' would feel about it. Our entire D proceedure took nearly a year. For six months, we monitored the kids and each other... made sure everyone's tempers were in check, at least as far as the kids are concerned. We only live 1/2 mile apart. The kids have access to both of us, whenever THEY wish. They hate doing baskets (of their stuff). That still kills me. But in the end, it is better for their mental health, for they don't feel that one parent is getting more time than another. It gives them room to be kids, not caretakers of their parents. We also put them both in counseling, we taught them to express themselves, to either of us... and we respect their decisions on certain things. It gives them a much needed sense of power in their own lives. They are 13 and 11. We also had put into the divorce decree that if either he or I feel that we are not being 'heard' by the other on any given issue, that, by law, we have the power to haul the other into counseling (by counselors named by both of us), and the other must comply within 30 days. If not, we are in essence 'breaking the law.'
In the end, the kids decided they wanted to do the 50/50 split. In my mind... they need both of us. Period. Believe it or not, it is the only thing on which we can speak rationally, and we really listen to one another in regards to issues pertaining to the kids.
So. As to your quandry... STAY FIRM. During the D with me... my attorney said to me... "I need you to see this as a business negotiation. You can fall apart on me AFTER it is done. We'll get you any help you need. But during this process, no tears, no hysterics. This is business."
Fortunately for me, I'm a business woman. The whole process certainly took a toll on me, especially my stomache. But... I am not your typcial female, with your typcial life. I go into 'survivor mode,' and it's pretty fcking scarey.
Anyway. For you. Business. Best advice you can get. You can be her 'friend' after. You can be nice 'after.' Not that you need to be mean. You need to stay firm and keep you and your kids best interests at heart. It may reduce your CS amount, it may not reduce it is as much as you hope... I'm sure it will all depend on your discrepancy of income. That is why I was telling you to keep track of everything. If you can.
Divorce is tricky business. I don't like to see anyone end up on skid row, and I don't like to see people get screwed out of money they need to start a life, or live their life. What you consider fair and what the court considers fair is often a different thing. But remember. It's business. It's the law. And if you get your kids 50/50... hey. You're better off than most men.
Hang tough. Make sure to breath. Get out an exercise. You need it for your mental state and for the endorphins.
