I am sorry I have been absent for so long. I have been trying to regroup, trying to make sense and direction of my life during this time. There has been many nights of unending crying, raging, screaming and reflection.
I am healing, they are the same wounds from before only a bit deeper. I have made mistakes in this process and looked to various things and people to try and ease my pain. None of them will. Only I have the power to heal with the help of my God. This is his plan. God is not vengeful nor is he cruel. So I must place faith that something better lies ahead.
I enjoy my kids. They are now the primary issue before us. I seek as close to 50/50 as I can and she seeks to limit to 4 days in 14. This I will not agree to though I did in principle a week ago. After 3 hours of talkiung and bearing my soul, weeping uncontrollably in front of her, but not begging for us to be together, I wanted to ease her pain. But as I went ot sign the papers in my lawyers office, I relized that i will not be seeing my sons and being a father to them in 4 days. I recanted and re-proposed a 51/49 custody. I will not waiver. People think I am risking it all, that the courts may award less. Well that is not a gamble. I f what my STBXW says is true, and she would never keep my kids from me, than she should have no problem putting it in the court documents.
I am at home this weekednd and she is staying elsewhere and we will continue to switch until the house sells. It is lonely and sad at times even with my children.
I have new faith, THANK YOU STANDING BEAR! That prayer was timely and needed.
I will try and be here more frequently, I feel like being with old friends. Ones that care.
God Bless all.
F4W
Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.
Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
