it is me my friend. KTF. I have been watching over your sith for about a year now and have not replied to it. Just watching from the sidelines, but I feel as though now I should speak to you.
I hope you really really listen to everything I have to tell you man. It can really help your sitch right about now man.
First of all, a wise man always told me that the divorce is nothing but a piece of paper. That piece of paper does not change what you feel in your heart and you don't fully know what is in hers. So don't fear it. I know you are a very religious guy and know that "the laws of man" and "the laws of God" are totally different.
Secondly. I believe that you and your wife are going to get through this. She still has doubts. She still talks to you, but she is so angry. I remember when I was talking to my aunt about her divore from my uncle (they have been remarried for 10 plus years by the way) and how she described how much pain she had been in over the years and how that pain eventually turned into anger/resentment. It took her YEARS to get over all of those things and she said just the sight of my uncle made her angry. It brought back all of those feelings. (they have two children by the way.) So it's going to take time. That's all I can say man. Just pray about it. It's in God's hands. Let him work for you.
You have done alot man. you've been through so much, but remember all of this is a test of our faith. Marriage is a sacred institution ordained by God and the devil will do anything to destroy it. Have faith and trust in him my friend.
I have already been down the journey that you are traveling, but it gets better. Trust me.
I even jumped into a relationship right after the divorce to try to ease the pain, but all it did was complicate things even more.
The thing is exW and I have never stopped communicating. Heck I just sent her a reply to an email she sent me a reply.
She visits my place often and we have fun together. Mind you it's not all peaches and cream, but it's getting better.
You see I let her go, and she realized that she missed me. She dated. I dated. And we both realized that we missed each other. Sometimes you have to let something go (boomerang it) and let it come back to you.
I know you are hurting man. I hurt for a long time. Heck I still do. But I've gotten stronger. my whole sitch has changed me as a man. It's made a better father, christian, son, and friend.
I've worked on myself so much and alot of people have taken notice. They see the change in me. I see the change in myself. ANd it's that change that has attracted my exW back to me. (as well as a few other nice women lol)
The thing is man. I think you're still kind of crowding her. Everytime you say you love her, it guilts her into wanting to come back.
I did the same thing during my seperation. my exW came back because she loved me, but also because she had extreme guilt for what had happened. NOt because that was where she really wanted to be. She was intimate with me out of guilt (and having needs to).
But you're going to have to let her sort this out herself. I know it's going to hurt. I know you don't want it. But, she needs time to sort everything out. She may/may not be in an EA/PA but there's nothing you can do about it. She still has alot of pain inside and I think you do too.
I think you guys both need to heal. But I think you're on the right track.
You're a good father man. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Just keep on working hard, spending time with your kids, and letting wifey sort our her probs and you sort out/grieve and things will work out
