Landing in this forum after 1.5 years

[Fighting4Wife]

Corri,

Sorry for the delay. I will try and fill in the blanks I may have left.

I have and always have done the bulk of the care of our children for the past 9 years of our marriage. In referance to assisatnce, my wife took over the bill paying because she did not like my method of paying bills promptly at the beginning of the month and then budgeting money to savings and having limits on other spending. I would offer to help do the laundry, but would be rebuked with the statement I shrink the laundry or it is fine I am capable. To her, according to her declaration, I only stepped in when asked.

As to the boundaries for the kids. Yes we spoke many times. I stated how wrong it was to allow the kids to play one against the other and to have decisions undermined by her. Her response is they are kids and need to have fun, I am too strict with them and need to let them be kids. Example would be trying to get my 10 and 7 yo to bed between 9 and 9:30 on school nights. She would often allow them to sit in our bedroom with her or lay in our bed after I told them it was time for bed and watch tv with her. When I would assert my reasons for a good night sleep and they are too young to go on 7 hours sleep, again I am too strict and it is not that big of a deal.

I am not sure that being with my wife is the bestthing for my children. She has a view of her childhood where her father and mother divorced and the two daughters ran the roost. They did whatever the wanted. Got into alcohol in Jr High, stayed out late, had parties at there house, got into drugs, with little or no boundaries from their mother. This is what I fear. She often makes the statement that our kids will have everything she did not. She has a busy work schedule and is planning on having the grandparents watch the kids or friends watch the kids when she has to work. Me, I have already cleared with my supervisors and flexible schedule that accomodates any needs my kids may have. Again the boundaries, the nutrition, etc are not acceptable that my wife does. I cook for the family. I try and balance the nutrition the best I can with the likes and dislikes of the boys. The week I left for our "trial separation" the boys had McDonalds 3 mights for dinner and McDonalds at least twice for breakfast. This was just one week!

I agree with the communication piece. I am trying to establish this with her and it is not being well recieved. Her latest comment to me was I have no right to know what her plans are with the kids. I even tried last night to broach the subject of how we can get off the current path we are on and find an amicable solution and custody. She said she has tried and it will not work. She is not moving from her latest position. That being 2K in child support plus 600 for daycare on top. As well as I encumber 60% of the current bills AND pay half the mortgage (1K) until house sells. This will leave me with 300.00 left net. FAIR?

Corri, I hope you can understand that my children mean the most in my life. That used to be held by my STBXW. I have ured my heart and soul into raising them. To have them ripped away and then in addition be gouged financially, just crushes me.

F4W