It's cool to have moral support, especially in time of crises. And thank God that you/we have it (at least on this BB). However, aside from Cobra, I haven't noticed anyone challenging you lately.
It's obvious to me that you are on a slippery slope towards D. And I say this not because of your W's recent filing. You've mentioned in the past how you've "tried almost everything" to get your W to commit to saving your M. However, it seems to me that you've been repeating more of the same "cheeseless" patterns for the past year (or so).
You claim to be "lovingly detaching" from your W (for her own good), yet you say "I love you" to her regularly. Do you think that she doesn't know it by now? Is that what you think the problem is; that she's unsure of your love towards her?
You write that "you'll continue to support her", yet you continue to disagree with her decision and feelings. You don't validate someone's feelings by disagreeing with them. You don't support someone by threatenig them and basically taking advatange of their weakness. That's not support my friend, and I believe that that type of self-serving, manipulative support may, or will backfire.
You assure her that you do not blame her; yet you tell her "that you're willing to work on the M, but she is not" (essentially blaming her). You state that you do not hate her, yet you also state that you "did not like her right now". These contradictions seem so obvious, yet no one is pointing them out to you.
Quote: I cannot make this decision for you. To do so would be controlling and wrong.
This is exactly what you've been doing Bucket. You haven't given her her space. You haven't always been pleasant and agreeable. You haven't done anything to make yourlelf more attractive, and I don't mean (just) physically. You haven't taken that load of pressure that she's had to endure all this time by feeling responsible for your happiness.
Basically, your W, like everyone else, wants to be happy. They want to have pleasant interactions. Whenever she thinks of you, do you think that she has happy associations in her memory bank about you or your encounters? Does she find you exciting or boring? At least your W is honest; she's told you that she is not going to one day wake up and be that same old mythical W that you've been craving.
Yes she's confused and scared. But so are you. Now is not the time to be self-righteous. Nor is it the time to throw in the towel. When faced with impending disaster, one must act quickly. It's time to be creative! It's time to use your logic and wisdom. Try something different for a change. NO MORE I LOVE YOUs. Instead of backing her into a corner, try unconditionally supporting her, even if it means D.
Communicate to her that after much reflection, you've come to the conclusion that you're the one to blame; that it's all your fault. And that the least you can do is making everything possible so that she can be happy - regardless of whether it includes you or not. Tell her how impressd you are with her for having the courage to finally file; for being brave enough take action and putting a stop to that unhappy sitch that both of you have had to endure all these years. That even though you will miss the nice times you had together in the past, that you are nontheless "proud" of her actions. Then GAL. Don't give her the idea that "you will always be there for her". For if you do, what motivation does she have - aside from possible "quasi-guilt" and being adverse to change - from stopping the D.
The fact that she continues to communicate with you directly, and not through her lawyer - as she has threatened, indicates that she is still in it, i.e, she's still giving you time and your M a chance. It is no up to her Bucket. It is entirely up to you! The ball is in your court. Please don't delude yourself otherwise.
From a friend who truly cares about you and your family.
