Very good post. I am not offended in the least. I agree there may be contradicting statements in my last encounter with her, but to the end of making the point that I am not going to accept her logic that Divorce is logical or I have to agree with it on her "terms" because she desires it.
What do I want? Very good question. What I want is to work on our marriage and be able to get past the resentment of the errors in our past. To lay down the arms and work together in rebuilding something we each tore apart. As I stated to her, things have been said in the past few weeks that have cut me very deep and will take time to heal. But I can move beyond and grow knowing she is so confused and may or may not have known what she was saying. The only way that our M can be saved is to remove D from the vocabulary and table. Otherwise both of us can default back to that position.
Don, I am in a place where I am able to walk away from this marriage nd move on. It is not the decision that I want to make. But it is a decision where I will fight for my kids and my life after divorce. Her current pleadings place me with minmal contact with my children for a majority of the year and places me in a financial bind that I would not get out from under unless I file for bankruptcy. So if faced with a decision of D then I must look for my chidren's interest and then my own. As to support, I am here for her, always will be, but I am unable to rescue her from what she is doing and the ramifications of that. When she needs help, wants to work, then I can offer more. Right now it seems aloof, but my best place for her and I is to remain in a position that allows her to make a choice and live with the consequences.
As to attorney's mine is male and very pro-marriage and would like nothing better than to see us work this out or at least settle without going to trial. Her's is a female that is very condesending. She and my attorney do not like each other. In fact, my wife does not like her either.
My goals have remained the same, to offer unconditional love to my wife, to work and repair our marriage, to drop the BS and move forward. But in that same breath those goals only fit if she wants similar goals. If she chooses D, then my goals are to protect my children the best I can, protect myself finacially, and to eliminate the collateral damage D causes in families.
I am trying not to smug about this. It tears me apart emotionally to see her this way. To hear her cry uncontrollably and say she does not want to hurt me, to say she just wants out, does not put me in a position for compassion, but I do have empathy. Again, for me to force her to make a decision I want is counterproductive. My only move is to let her work this out. A better response I guess to her statements is just to validate and say that is a possible solution to the issues.
Don, thanks again. You cannot offend me, in fact I appreciate the perspective.
F4W
Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.
Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
