Sounds to me like you did GOOD Matilda!! I personally think you handled things just right! Your H needed to hear those things! I'm not sure I could have done as well if my H was doing the same things. My H has always been stronger than me mentally and emotionally. However when he messed things up he was in a bad place emotionally. I feel that I was the stronger of the two first of all because I was in a bad place emotionally also but I didn't see an A as a means of escaping and when I found out about the A I was strong enough to forgive in spite of the extreme pain and hurt. My H has this uncanny ability to put things away in his mind when he is done with them. Sure wish I could do that!! I think the thing that helped my H to forgive himself and move on past it so quickly was the fact that I handled the original talk after discovereing the A so calmly and that I forgave him as soon as I did (he was afraid I'd tell him to pack his things and go the first day). By the way I dealt with things helped him deal with things. Yes,there are still things that I don't understand and probably never will but I have finally let that go. I have even stopped thinking about confronting the XOW!! I don't get this anger inside when I happen to think about her and I don't think about her much at all anymore! My mind has finally figured out that she is "nobody" and she means nothing to either my H or to me!! I finally made myself realize that thinking about her was like "giving her power" in my life. I got to thinking that she would just love it if she knew that I was thinking about her so I decided that I wouldn't give her the satisfaction by contacting her and telling her what was on my mind! Once I made that decision I was able to finally put her away!! Anyway,I got off the subject...sorry! I know you feel that your H has had enough time to get over the way he is feeling but then can you really put a time frame on that? He seriously needs to continue seeing the C and he is going to have to try a little harder but some people can get over things quicker than others. I'm sure it makes it harder on you having to deal with trying to get over it yourself and then you have to put up with his feelings! If your marriage is worth it and he is worth it you are going to have to stay strong and show him everyday that you are there to stay. Hang in there Matilda...you are a strong woman and you have a lot of love for your man and that will get you through this!! Sometimes men just need to be hit over the head for them to get the picture!! [Wink] I think you did a good job of telling him just how things are!! You stay focused and stay strong!!