That's it! My H's mind is SO clouded with guilt and thinking what an evil person he is that the love that he feels can not naturally flow though to be expressed on the outside! It's not that it's not there or something is "wrong," it's just stuck in there. Like a river that flows naturally downstream winding through trees and curving gracefully around bends in the landscape -- until it hits the dam. Then it starts backing up, not able to get through, except for small bits at a time when the flood gates are opened momentarily.
Well, maybe it's time to explore how to keep that flood gate open a little longer in order to keep the river from backing up too much and causing damage further upstream.
That quote above about "how we make them feel about themselves" was pretty much what I was trying to say above. If he feels bad about himself just being around me, how can I change that? I know it's not because of me. I know it all stems from his guilt over what HE's done. But, see, that doesn't change the fact that just looking at me seems to throw it up in his face of what he's done. He thinks that everytime I'm a little down it's because of him. That's simply not true, and I've told him that many times. After all, my entire world does NOT revolve around him (although lately sometimes it sure seems like it does ). Be that as it may, in his mind all my troubles are caused by him.
Well, we see what happens later this afternoon. I called the MC and asked him to concentrate on my H's forgiving himself this afternoon and to try and see if there isn't something "solution-oriented" we can do to help the process. I feel I have a pretty good handle on my feelings regarding the A right now. Things have been fairly smooth for me for a month now. Maybe that's what is going to do my H the most good, seeing that more and more time is going by without me "going to the bad place" about the A. Two weeks ago at MC he said that each day that goes by without an upheaval regarding the A just means another day closer until the next time it happens. So, basically, I guess he's just waiting for the next shoe to drop -- on a day by day basis. That's no way to live!!
No shoes have been dropped in a long time now. Maybe he can start to relax. And then maybe I can start to relax.
Hope everyone's weekend is good. You are all in my prayers always.
![[Frown]](images/icons/frown.gif){kind=icon}
). Be that as it may, in his mind all my troubles are caused by him. 
