"I'll think about it tomorrow!"

[healedbutscarred]

Andy is so right Matilda!! Your H has the problem..not you!! You forgave him..that's all you can do. Now he has to forgive himself!! You cannot do that for him. You need to tell him "I LOVE YOU...I FORGAVE YOU...If I WAS GOING TO LEAVE YOU I WOULD HAVE DONE IT LONG AGO...NOW DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!" I do understand what you were saying in you post about his love for you if he is reminded everytime he looks at you of what he did to you. But Matilda,honey YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!!!!! HE SCREWED UP!!!!!! NOT YOU!!!!!! I heard someone say one time that when you forgive someone you actually make them feel worse than they would had you told them to leave because by forgiving you are being the better person. I don't think I am better than my H because he messed up and I forgave him but I do think that if your H can't forgive himself it is because he thought you'd kick him out and when you didn't you proved how much you love him and he can't quite understand that. He is going to have to deal with this and come to grips with the fact that he is HUMAN...he did mess up bad but what he did is a forgivable sin. Tell him that God forgives him and you forgive him so why if the 2 most important people in the world can forgive him his sin,why is he finding it so hard to forgive himself? Maybe that'll make him think!! Sometimes I wish I had the ability to put things away,forget them and never ever think of them again. But God gave us brains and for some reason he gave us memories that work even when we don't want them to. My H seems to have the knack for putting things away and not talking about them and making them go away (unless of course I bring them up !!). I think that he was able to forgive himself because I forgave him so quickly. He honestly wasn't sure of me and my reaction. He knew that I had always said that cheating was the one thing I could never forgive and then when I did and I showed him that I could deal with the A and I was willing to try and put it behind us,he was better able to do the same. Am I making any sense here? Anyway,Matilda,you just continue to love him and stop letting his insecurities mess with your head!! You stay focused on you and your love for him and remember that he does love you and he needs you!! He'll get it sooner or later when you are still there and when you continue to love him!! pfroglady