Sorry to hear that many of us are feeling the same disappointment & continuing discouragement as I. I honestly think I sure must have kidded myself , while we were S and H with OW that, the healing would be easier, once H came home.
I will always wonder---did OW ask my H to leave since she obviously was not getting any permanent commitment? maybe OW found new R for herself and asked H to leave? Or did my H realize he wants to be with me and tell her so?
Silence about this all is my biggest issue and wonder how many other LBS's have this total and complete silence about their WAS's A. and the surrounding relationship leading up to it.. The R silence we have is complete, and H back now 6 months. We are "fine" on the surface, (but of course that can't be!) if I don't mention a R word. Yes, have tried and H definitely runs into the cave. H will come out if I am light, easygoing, nonprying on past, etc. I still look at all the positives in the last few months: H telling me ILY, getting gifts, ML....but is it me not forgiving that continues to feel this shadow by H absolutely being nonverbal on any of the last couple years?
A C used the term "cognitive distortion" after meeting my H for our only 2 MC sessions. Not at all able to speak his feelings about anything deep, but he definitely is able to be very social, a rescuer, a good friend, jokes a lot, etc. If anyone met him they initially would find him very friendly and comfortable to be with. Sound familiar to anyone? H does not see a C anymore and I am afraid of even mentioning individual or MC. How long has anyone else waited? I feel we are just going to coast along and be doomed if we can't talk, not just about the OW,but more importantly how we got to that point.
I believe they need space, but also believe things just won't "go away", because they are too painful to talk about.
Hoping for ideas to maybe "start slow" to get H to "open up". Ideas for H to know it is safe to begin to talk, that I will listen and validate and not just bring up the A or OW but importance of communication. Anyone try writing some of these thoughts to their spouses? Previously my short notes of any R issues were not well received either.
Keeping up my GAL is so important too, but I know deep down we can't just pretend this never happened. Or do they?
