Piecing, but struggling

[cat03]

We tried MC, for exactly 2 sessions, and H literally hung his head in silence.--so I definitely will not push for that. I am realizing how much his guilt, and own issues are not enabling him to talk...

I am also struggling with forgiveness, yes it is a dark cloud over me that I want to get rid of. I keep thinking if we cannot talk about the A and what led up to it, how it ended, what was she that I was/am not? --that I/ We would not have closure. still not sure.

You are so very right by waiting on MC, we also tried MC early on, though a few good things came out of it was way too early as my H was in no shape to open up, his mind was still in mars and it was almost impossible to get anything out if him, we discontinued MC for a while (we have a new MC now)

About the A, my H also refuses altogether to talk about it at all, he keeps saying how he struggled to put it behind him and that he doesn't want to bring it back again. Yes, us women do think will help to know all the details, but honestly, they won't (yes, it baffles me how a person so adverse to overweight people choose someone "bigger" than me but I'll let that pass)
Trust me, last week I found a letter from H that he wrote thinking of OW, even though we'd agree weeks before not to bring up A ever it open that wound horribly. I learned about things they did together and read him saying how he loved her smile, yada yada etc, and it just about drove me insane with jelousy, rage, you name it. It won't help, more questions will come up (when I found about OW the first time he said a few things which made want to ask more and more questions which made matters much worse)
Our R with our Hs are just trying to grow again, bringing OWs will just open a can of worms that will fester us again with mental picts and hurt, whenever I think about OW I try to blot her face with scribbles, to remember she was just a distraction out of desperation and nothing more, that she is a low nobody who means NOTHING now.

It is hard, but little by little we can/will/should obliterate the A from our minds until it becomes a fuzzy old bad memory.