Andy, I think you're "spot on" also regarding the "it will never be enough" type thinking. Last week after a conversation we had via telephone regarding some of my concerns as stated above, H sent me an E-Card which stated: "I do love you. I have a hard time being what you want me to be, especially after ... It makes it so anything I do feels like it will never do."
My response to him was: "Thank you for the card. I wish I could get you to understand how important all the little things are."
He is right, there is no way of making up for what he's done. However, making small gestures that show love and thoughtfulness certainly is better than doing nothing because "it feels like it will never do." Those things go a long way to help keep anger and resentment at bay -- or worse, emotional withdrawal.
Oh, well, it's obvious that I'm asking too much of him right now. He's doing the best that he can. I think he really wants to do some of the things I ask of him, but it doesn't feel "right" to him right now. Of course, I start thinking it's because he really doesn't love me that it doesn't feel "right" to him. I've asked him to be honest with me if that's the case, cuz I feel I deserve to know the truth after all this. He tells me he has no question in his heart that he loves me -- it's all just a matter of how he feels about himself right now. Time will tell. One thing I do know for sure -- it's his problem. He created it. He has to figure out a way to fix it for himself. I'm still staying in the moment and trying to be positive.
