Pfroglady is spot on. You love him, and it’ll see you through the bad times. You’re doing everything you can to convey that message to him, too.
My guess is that it’s almost a superstition. He figures that if he beats himself up enough, he’ll atone for what he did. Problem is that it’s never enough. He cannot atone for what he did – not even through self-flagellation.
That’s his cross to bear. I truly don’t think he’s trying to pawn it off on you. He’s stuck.
But, someday, he’ll manage to let it go. Some day, he’ll “get over it.”
We see it all the time – where a person acts negatively in order to positively influence others. What you (as a couple) need is to start and maintain a positive “aura” in your R. His fear stops him from seeing it that way (sigh).
