Matilda...Oh,how I wish there was something I could say or do that would help you in your situation!! Your H has BIG PROBLEMS!! I honestly thought that the C was helping him. Some of your posts seemed to indicate that he was beginning to "get the picture"! I believe you when you say that it won't be the fact that you can't "get over the A" that causes your R to come to an end but the fact that HE can't "get over it"!! Doesn't it make you wonder why a man that is handling his guilt so poorly could have ever done what he did in the first place? The guilt is "eating him alive" and he really needs professional help!! I honestly think you are doing everything you can to show him that you have forgiven him and you are trying to "put the A in the past". I honestly can't think of anything else you can do to help him! Did your H always do all the "little things" you mentioned before the A? My H has never been what you would call "romantic". Oh,every now and then he would surprise me and he can be romantic when he tries. So basically that hasn't changed much. I think that he is trying a little harder since the A but not as much as I'd like!! I really do understand how you feel when you say you seem to be putting more effort into the R than your H is. I feel the same way sometimes!! Isn't it strange that we were the ones hurt and yet we seem to be the ones trying the hardest to make things better? [Roll Eyes] Your situation is different from mine in the fact that your H can't seem to forgive himself and work on "forgetting". Is he still going to C? Sounds like he really needs it!! I know it has to be really hard on you to put up with the way he is acting on top of trying to work on "getting over it" yourself!! But please,Matilda,try to hang in there with him!! I know you love this man in spite of what he has done and in spite of the way he is acting now. I will keep you and your H in my prayers!! Come here whenever you need to scream,cry,cuss and look for support and comfort!! I am here for you,I am in your corner and I am pulling for you and your R!! Hope your week end goes well...I'll be thinking about you!! pfroglady