Lack of desire is one thing that I'm pretty sure is not my H's problem. We did talk about that.
The problem touches on what Lily was asking the other day. H can't quite seem to get "there" in order to complete the process (yes, this is embarassing. I hope you understand what I'm talking about). Apparently at some point he starts thinking about what I'm thinking about (sheesh!) interfer with his own pleasure. Thoughts such as: what is W thinking about? Is she thinking about the A. Is she picturing me with OW? Is she thinking about what a scum-bag I am. Is she thinking about how much pain I've caused her? He also thinks how I'd be better off without him, and then gets scared that I'll start thinking that way, too. None of this leads to sucessful love-making. And then, of course, he feels like a failure again and the cycle goes round and round.
MC mentioned last week that the consequences of one's sins last so much longer than anyone can imagine, and that the affects spread out to reach areas people never even imagined. So true.
I am sad this morning because of where my H's actions have left us. I am resentful that for a few stolen moments that made him "feel good" I am left with dealing with the ramifications of his actions possibly for months or years. My ego was already battered -- now it is shattered.
