When your're feeling like that try reaching within you to nurture the little you. I've done that a couple of times (C suggested it). It soothes. I sort of see it as the way I would comfort my child if I knew her heart was hurting.
I think that I've been "own my own" emotionally for about 2 years now. Not knowing that my H felt burdened I'd just load more and more on him via complaining about night job or the day care antics . Rarely would I dis him because I just didn't want to make waves anymore.
H heard me respond "I haven't had a safety net for a long time now." This was two weeks ago. That was when she told me that it was up to me to fulfill my emotional needs, not my H or my children (OR ANY OTHER MAN but that doesn't need to be said).
I never want to see that dead look in my H's eyes again; the one when I was in such pain and wanted him to wrap me in his arms and tell me he was sorry and it was a big mistake and he didn't love her and ---all the stuff your H says to you.
Matilda, I think it very brave that you didn't 'dump' on your H this last time. I havn't figured out what in the world I'm gonna due the next time the roller coaster grabs me. H refers to those (he has only been exposed to 2 of them) as the 'negative' aspect of our R.
Emotional dumping just isn't productive.
You were right when-on my thread-you advised me to BE the woman my H would want. He doesn't want me to know the nitty-gritty of his R w the ow.
I read Deida on the net. The one I read last night had to do with . . .Affairs and other stuff. One thing it mentioned was that women have a negative flow if they feel unloved; men if they feel burdened. You and your H. Me and mine.
I encourage you to strive to stay in the moment w your H. . .keep your chin-up so to speak. Feel his love and if you can keep away from the urge to dump then it will lighten the burden he's carrying these days. More love can flow from him to you. You, with more and more love surrounding you--filling you-- will feel the need to give your emotional burden to your H less and less.
In my sit, I have to let the light of this love Deida refers to fill me, surround me, buoy me. That will draw my H to me. I have to embrace this. For me to do an emotional dump will just burden him and negate all the DB that I do between roller coaster rides.
Matilda, I hope that there is a nugget of love left in my H for me. I just remembered something. I was going to the store Sunday and was doing the C ya thing. H was at end of hall and as I said 'bye he said this kind of gutteral ILY. I was outside and felt the urge to return. I went to him and said "don't say you didn't mean that, ok?" He nodded his head in agreement. He said the same gutteral kind of ILY right before by surgery in February. There has to be something there buried under layers of the changed perspective of me that he formed in order to break from me. The DB I do helps to change the perspective of me to a different one. One that has elements of the me he fell in love with and elements of the changed me that are positive and non-burdening. This is making sense to me, pardon me for doing my pondering on your thread.
Anyway, Matilda. I want you to be happy. I don't want you to let yourself go and dip into that trough of bitterness. I want you to remember that that trough contains emotional acid. I want to break my emotional need to go to it and have my anger and negativism fueled. I would rather be happy (in my R) than right.
They have a Society of Separated Wives that I think Treesa has posted about at times. We need to think of a gutsey name for us.
