Well, I just realized I titled my original thread and thread #2 incorrectly (Getting Over it, and Still Getting Over It.) I realize now there is no "getting over it." Not really. My threads would be been more correctly titled "Learning to Live with it," which is what I'm trying to do. Sometimes I'm successful, sometimes not.
For almost two weeks I was feeling so good. I was able to put off thinking about things and live in the moment with H. I didn't do so well last night or today. Just thoughts about the A that I couldn't push away no matter what I told myself. What is the matter with me? I'm so tired of feeling like this.
We were at MC's Friday afternoon, and I was feeling so great and things were going so well with us. MC said he didn't want to see us for two weeks. H and I felt like we were seeing the light at then end of the tunnel. Now, here I am again feeling like shit. I haven't mentioned anything to H except last night he asked me what was wrong, was I having bad thoughts? I said, no, just sad thoughts. He didn't ask anymore questions, and I didn't offer any information. So, in that respect I'm still doing fairly well -- not bringing up the A to him.
Well, I guess I can't really expect to feel good all the time. It's just been so long of feeling miserable that when I have a few good days strung together it's very disappointing to go back to feeling miserable. However, in true optomistic form, this too shall pass. I just need to write it down here and get a little hand-holding from you guys so I can try to keep these feelings away from H.
