Andy,

I was afraid you were going to say that [Frown] . And, yes, it is the moral superiority that H sees as making me more powerful. Also, he feels his future is in MY hands. Whatever I decide to do, he has no control over. If I left him, he would feel that is what he deserved and had no one to blame but himself. He feels I have power and control because no one else knows about what he did -- not the kids, not our parents, not our friends. According to him, I can decide at any moment to destroy his world by telling everyone what a horrible person he is. That's a lot of power and control to have handed over to someone.

I guess I just have to make him realize that I do not want to destroy him. I love him too much to inflict that kind of pain on him. I want him to understand that his future is my future. I won't do anything to jeopardize that.

Lily,

I'm not sure if there is anything in our R that my handing over to H would constitute giving him more power and control. I've handled the finances all along -- H doesn't want anything to do with it. He doesn't even know who holds the mortage on our house! The kids always come to me with problems and questions and requests. In the past H was away a lot and it was just me -- like being a single mom. I try to include H in decisions regarding the kids, but I think he's lost in that regards. I'll give it more thought, though.

Maybe I should go out and do something horrible and then H would HAVE to forgive me and that pendulum would come back to center. No, ain't worth it. Hubby's gotta figure this one out on his own, I guess. [Eek!]

Matilda