I can relate to this feeling too, having had ambivlaence about the marriage for so many yrs. It makes you crazy. Sometimes I wish I had the religious convictions of some here on the board instead of harboring the divorce fantasy. Then at least you're miserable but stable.
Anyway, my solution was to commit to the marriage with the exception of some hard boundary stuff ( like serious adiction, affairs, abuse, etc). Even those things I might tolerate if he were working on himself. I have to say, it has helped my overall mind frame to have this sense of commitment. The path may be a hard one, but at least I feel grounded. Guess I am learning to accept and make the best of things. My new catch-all phrase is that I want to " optimize reality."
