H and my conflicts began 14 years ago over a stupid power play re our fianances. Both of us wanted to decide how to handle/control the savings.
Another time, between Nov and Feb we ran our Credit card up to 3K. H's perception has me doing this. I charged 1 k on Christmas, he charged the rest.
I tore up my credit card and zeroed the bill. I stopped confering w H re how we should spend money. He used to say "budget the luxuries" first. The money was spent on him and kids and the day care, not me.
I'v done my own little "christmas club" for a long time now. Orignally, I set money aside so our kids would have a good material Christmas. Then H wanted money for him as well. The system worked.
Bomb fell in Sept. Nov found me still not knowing if ow was in the wings. As a major 180 I brought every nickel of our christmas money and gave it to H. He was stunned. He wanted to know how to divy it up. I told him anyway he wanted. He told me that I made him feel very powerful.
I have continued to let him call the shots re our finances. He was spending like crazy for awhile there but I understand why he needed instant gradification. I think he realizes now that material stuff isn't going to make him feel better.
I posted this am about our daughter's graduation gift. It is going to be hard for me but I'm going to let him have the power in determining her gift $ here.
So, is there some area of your R that you have the control. Can you give it to him. One that will cost you, Wilma. One in which you are signaling that you don't have to be right.
By the way, not to long ago H told me that I'm better w the finances than he is, my way is better. (Pyric victory)
