Well, my previous thread ("Still getting over it") was way over the 100 mark, so here I go again.

Please read my previous threads for full background. Briefly, H had an A which ended last June. He came to me and told me about it on Oct.1st. At that time he also told me he'd had an A 15 years ago. So there I was rocking and reeling, were these words really coming out of my H's mouth? I would have bet my life that my H wouldn't have been a cheater and, yet, according to him not only was he capable of it, he'd done it twice! Basically, he wanted it all out in the open because it was eating him alive, making him physically ill. He just couldn't live with it anymore. He didn't want a D, didn't want to run away with the OW. He realized he'd made a life-altering mistake and wanted to try to make things right. We went into counseling immediately and have continued to this day. H has done absolutely everything he should and could do, and more. He tells me he loves me very much and doesn't want to lose me. How can I not believe him? I see the torment in his eyes, the fear, the same and humilation. These are not the emotions of a man who doesn't love his W. He has never tried to blame me for the A. He came to me, took full responsiblity for his actions, and asked me to forgive him. I am trying to do just that.

I am still occassionally tortured by my own thoughts and visualizations of my H's A. I think I am the one impeding a completely successful reconcilliation because it is so hard to "get over it." I've gotten a lot of help and support from so many wonderful people here. What would I have done without you all.

So right now I'm at the point of trying to live in the moment (thanks Lily) while incorporating Scarlet O'Hara's famous line, "I don't want to think about that now. I'll think about it tomorrow." Hence the title of my new thread. I'm finding that the combination of the two is a blockbuster!! When unpleasant thoughts creep in I push them aside with "I'll think about that tomorrow," so that leaves me free to live in the moment/moments of love and happiness with my H. One of these days I know I'll have to think about it. I'll sit down and let my mind run rampent, let those nasty thoughts and images out of the cage that is my mind, and then close the door again until the next visitation day.

I suppose my next visitation day will be with MC on Friday. Until then just call me Scarlet

[Big Grin]

Matilda