I guess what I am really struggling with is how I stay on the sidelines while he continues this affair and while it keeps getting more intense. I feel like there is a cliff's edge coming up and he is heading straight for it if I don't keep him here. Like if I let him go and back off like I'm supposed to that he will just fall even that much harder for the OO. I'm afraid that he will forget that he loves me so much, and that he will stop thinking that what he's doing isn't right and will talk himself into believing fully that he is doing the right thing by leaving me. How do I sit here, while they are out to celebrate a birthday dinner, and not be broken hearted when he cried because he didn't want to leave me this afternoon but is now having what he told a friend he expected to be a "joyful" evening? How do I be patient and wait when it only seems like he is moving further from me with every day? How do I trust in anything that he won't move too far away? It seems like he is still at a point where he has a small window into "reality" and could choose to end it with the OO. I don't want to wait through a two-year affair for this to fizzle out. I want him to stop now, he seems to still want to, if only a tiny bit.
H asked me while in Chicago what I would say about H to "scare" the OO off. I said I would say that I'm not going anywhere. He said, no, what would you say about me? I told him that there isn't anything about him that would scare anyone off, not that I could truthfully say anyway. But, I was fairly confident that my determination to stand would scare the OO off. And now, I really want to go to where they are right now and just tell the OO that ... I'm not going anywhere.
