So at this point Kacee, this is all about what HE's done. What are YOU doing? What have YOU discovered about your part in all this and what changes are you going to make to better yourself, and in turn, maybe better your situation, with or without him.
I think if you've spent any time reading threads here, you know that's what we're all about, self-analysis and not focusing on the affair as a cause but rather a symptom of larger issues in the marriage. Thinking of him as an evil screw-up is not really productive. He made choices, yes, bad ones, but choices that HE believes will lead to his happiness. People who are otherwise happy don't usually have to make those kinds of choices.
The idea here is not to take blame for his affair, but to stop blaming altogether. There is blame enough to go around and you could both keep pointing the finger for the rest of your lives (because believe me, he blames YOU for a lot of what made him stray, right or wrong) but it will do nothing to either mend your marriage or allow you to move on without each other.
From what you post, it seems like this is NOT someone who is sure of himself. He seems like he has remorse and guilt at least, and maybe even more than that. He's stuck between the life he THOUGHT he didn't want, and the new one he THINKS he does.
You DO have a decision to make. If you truly feel that you cannot love him anymore because of this, then you should make plans to move on. If, on the other hand, you are not 100% committed to that course of action, then maybe you could read DB/DR (or re-read them if you have already) and start to work on yourself while this part of the story plays out.
In your stich, I see it as largely hinging on your decisions because it FEELS like he may want to return but there are obstacles in his way, namely your anger and rejection.
Please, most of all, take care of you. You ARE on the $hit end of this and while I am talking a lot about what YOU can do now, and may have done in the past, where you are today is no fun place to be, this I know. If nothing else, try to do something for you today, take your mind off things, and then start fresh tomorrow.
