OK ... so H was still seeing the other one ("OO"). The OO had purchased a plane ticket for H to go to Florida for a week - on a vacation, and to meet the kids (the OO's) and spend some time with them. I told H that if he went to Florida and took such a drastic step, that we were over. He said two weeks ago that he wasn't going.
Thursday night he brought up the "possibility" of going to Florida again. He wanted to know if it would really mean immediate divorce. We talked through most of the night on Thursday. He admitted that he had requested vacation time from his day job, and had made arrangements to cover all of his karaoke shows for two weekends (at extraordinary cost to "our" budget).
His flight was at 12:50 on Friday ... he didn't go. He went into work for a few hours. I found out later that he had just rescheduled the flight for 12:50 on Saturday and had told the OO that he was talking to me and couldn't get to the airport on time. On Saturday, he still didn't leave for the flight. Still told the OO that we were talking and he was running late for the plane. I was with him and we were talking through both of these "countdowns." By this time I had checked the flight schedules and knew that the next one was at 7:30. I told him I couldn't do the countdown thing again and left the house to go to a friend's house. He called from the airport. He tried to call several times from the plane. I didn't answer ... the only thing he could tell me that I wanted to hear was that he wasn't going and he could say that at the front door after leaving the airport.
According to friends and his mother, he realized that he had made a horrible mistake as soon as he was on the plane, spent the flight writing me a long note, but got to Florida and made no attempt to actually turn around and come home. He's with the OO and the kids and the OO's friends. He has not even attempted to make any direct contact with me. Friends say that he is completely miserable when he's on the phone, until the OO or someone else comes in the room and then he puts on his "happy face" and matching voice and gets on with their plans.
He's right ... he did make a horrible mistake. I don't want this to be over, but I cannot cope with this unbelievable indecision any more. Since the OO appeared on the scene, and especially since H left the house almost a month ago, I have done my part to right the wrongs that I had done to him throughout our marriage, and to GAL and make positive changes in my life. I have done so ... I'm exercising, losing weight, eating right, keeping the house clean, being less controlling, etc. However, so much of what I am doing is a long-term project. I can't, for instance, give him far more control over our joint finances overnight because he's not in a position to deal with them and we are far too financially precarious to take a chance. I can't show him the respect that I have for his choices and his work and his life in a single day or week or month. It will take time to show that I have changed.
In the meantime, he has completely gone downhill. He's not eating or sleeping at all, he's about to lose his job because he can't pay attention and can't get his work done, he made a choice to throw away his relationship with me and everything that entails because he's "in love" with the OO ... who he has known for less than four months.
I'm angry that he's so screwed up. I'm angry that he would throw everything away for a chance - a chance at nothing.
I don't really want this marriage to be over, but, I'm moving on. He has to do some serious catching-up on making positive changes in his life for me to be able to forgive this and move on with him.
I know that I haven't really posed many questions, but I would really appreciate any input from those of you who are out there reading ...
-- Kacee
Oh yeah ... his birthday was yesterday ... happy birthday, honey!
