Before, it was my problem, but it seems like it’s ours now. Having said that, there’s nothing I can do about it (sigh).
At least she is willing to concede that any problems you have are joint problems for the relationship. However, unless you are totally disgusting, I cannot see how her lack of desire could not in reality be emotionally only her problem. It only becomes your problem because you have to deal with it and react to it. She is the one who is going to have to gain control of her own emotions. She still wants to escape any personal responsibility by implying that you are somehow the whole cause. Of course, we know that the causes of problems are never one-sided. But, you are right, you cannot control her thought and feelings for her. She is eventually going to have to come to some semblence of rationality and objectivity before she can honestly assess the situation.
quote: Feelings are feelings. Logic doesn’t enter into it. We can use certain techniques to try to overcome them (e.g.: cognitive therapy), but regardless of how much PMA she can muster, it’ll take time. The same goes for me.
She’s not there yet, but it seems like she has a desire to get things resolved even if she seems a bit hesitant to follow through at this point. My impression as an outside observer is that things may still be a bit painful but she is gradually beginning to face things with some needed rationality even though it seems to you that things are all on an emotional level. Things definitely seem to be changing for the better.
I know the twisted feeling in the pit of your stomach as you go through these painful times in piecing your marriage back together. But in the long run, I think you might be getting the first glimpses of the “light at the end of the tunnel” (a phrase we have spoken of before).
