My W hasn’t always said the wrong things. But when she does, it hurts.
My W also told me that whatever I decide to do with my career, she would support me. I told her the career moves that I was considering and she told me that I wouldn’t want to do that.
I guess the basic rule of thumb is, don’t presume to know how he feels, or what is the best solution for him. You can tell him the solution that you’d prefer (without dwelling on it), but let him know that he isn’t obliged to do it your way.
I’m not a big fan of subtlety. I’ve found that when you try to be subtle, you’re sure to be misinterpreted. If he thinks you’re stroking his ego, he’ll think that you think his ego needs stroking. Not a nice feeling!
It’s simply a matter of being on the same team. Make him feel like he can talk about it, or not talk about it. And when he does talk about it, be empathetic. If you feel that he’s getting stressed out, I don’t think it would hurt to say something like, “Hon, you look like you’re getting stressed out. D’ya wanna do something to get your mind off it?”
Can’t speak for your H. We’re all different – and that’s the crux of it. Don’t treat him like a stereotype.
Anyway, that’s my feelings on the matter. Your mileage may vary.
