How do I behave around my cheating husband?

[MonicaP]

Hi Superstressed,

It's good to hear from you. Thanks for your support.

I have moments, even days, of joy - mostly when I am with my S4 or with friends talking and laughing. I'm even enjoying my job, some of my co-worker's are great. Sundays are a real break for me when my H can watch our S4 all day (unfortunately he's been out of town the past 2 Sundays). I usually meet friends for lunch and sometimes I go to a local cafe which is really active w/ live music and lots of people. I take one of the spiritual books I am reading (a lot of Native wisdom right now) and soak in the sun.

This past Sunday some good friends came down w/ their 2 boys and we had lunch and then went for a little hike to a local farm. It was a lot of fun.

One of the hardest things for me is not having enough time to myself. It's easy for me to feel resentment toward H when I am pulling my hair out w/ my son's defiance. I need more adult time. I guess that's partly why I like my job so much

H emailed today requesting that he come down early to be w/ S4 after business trip - but leave early too because he's exhausted. Huh! He doesn't know the meaning of exhausted. Anyway, he didn't know that I started back to work F/T and thought he could just come over. I told him I didn't think it would be good for S4 to leave school early which really got H mad. I couldn't believe how angry he sounded. I think he felt like I was deliberately keeping S4 from him and that he had no say, but I truly just wanted S4 to have a "normal day" of school. In the end I caved and called the preschool to inform them I would be by w/ H to pick up S4 early (H has never seen S4's new preschool or met his teachers). It felt so awkward introducing him as "S4's daddy". I think I did say once "this is my H ___".

Anyway, when I got home H had made S4 and I dinner, said he wasn't hungry - but accepted the leftover's. He looked awful, tired w/ puffy eyes and just sort of "beat up". I noticed his wedding finger had a red mark on it - I think he's still wearing a ring that he got after we separated. I accused him of somehow being "married" to Ow, he claims it is a ring of mourning (as in, our marriage). Regardless, it has some Gothic crosses on it. It is so unnerving.

I did bring up the whole Sept 5th (1 yr anniversary of the day H met Ow) but he said it wasn't the date. He said, "you're right, but not exactly the 5th" or something to that effect. He said it in such a cold manner - like he was talking to someone he doesn't know.

Saving our marriage seems near impossible. H seems so angry with me - go figure. And so into the Ow.

I almost can't remember "us", it feels like an eternity since I had a conversation with the man I married. The man he has become is angry, defensive, cold, and hollow.

Well, I pray for all of us.