How do I behave around my cheating husband?

[MonicaP]

Hi,

I just sent an email to my H who is (supposedly) out of country on business - asking him to communicate more regularly about our joint finances. We have been S for nearly 10 mos and still have a joint bank account. I suspect that he has opened a sep account, but won't admit it. Up until this month he has been depositing a "fair" amount into "my" account and so I haven't put pressure on him about seeing his pay statements as proof of what he makes. But, now he says he can only pay about 1/2 of that due to his credit card debt which he claims he has been living on. I think he's squirreling money away, yet he still uses "my" account for small debits. Ugh!

I have an appt with a bankruptcy atty this week and need to find a divorce atty to learn my rights. I NEED my finances to be secure and cannot trust H to give me the whole picture.

In my email I said that I didn't think it was fair that I have to wait to hear from him as to whether his check has been deposited in my account while he is out of country. I need to pay rent and childcare and without his check I don't have the funds to cover it on my own.

I'm wondering how much pressure is ok to put on him - from the perspective of DB'ing? I still have this miniscule amount of hope (dilusion) that there's a chance H may come to his senses and want to save our M afterall. LOL! So, I guess want to be careful how I proceed with divorce atty, etc.

My H can be so defensive at this smallest thing, sometimes no matter how "nice" I am he takes it personally. I just don't want to be a total doormat!

Any advice would be welcomed.