How do I behave around my cheating husband?

[MonicaP]

Thank you guys so much for caring and praying! You've all given me so much hope, I mean hope to go on with my life and to know that I will be ok no matter what. I truly believe that.

Also, I know that signing a divorce paper won't magically give me closure. I believe that the letting go process happens in God's time, not mine, but that I have to keep doing the footwork. Part of that, for me, means getting my finances in order and getting a little "control" back over my money. It also means sending a clear message to my H that what he is doing is wrong and that there are consequences. I don't mean that as a threat, just a little reality-check. For instance, we will have to create clear boundaries about custody and child support - something my H has not wanted to face up to. Fortunately he has been there for my S4 "enough" that I haven't forced his hand, but I'm ready to have some freedom myself. I would like my H to take our S4 for (at 1st) one overnight/month. H has resisted the idea - or completely avoided it - for what seems like the obvious reason: it would intrude upon his time with Ow. Meanwhile I have to find (and pay for) a babysitter just to get a Fri or Sat night out. Go figure!

H left for business trip yesterday and was over for about 1.5 hrs w/ S4 - and long enough for me to run out to get groceries. I end up doing most of my errands whenever he is around and get very little "fun" time out. Once in a while I take S4 to get groceries or on other errands, but most parents out there know how that can be!

I guess I'm writing all this down as a way to clarify it for myself too. I know I deserve more help than he has given me but I've been too afraid to push for fear that he would just run or retaliate. Now I can't avoid it anymore if I truly want to have a life of my own again. The financial aspect is a biggie. As I said, I am about to file for bakruptcy. H has already done his own filing with Credit Solutions.

We have a MC appt set for 9/7 and I'm wondering if we should still go ahead with it. Any thoughts? I asked H and he never responded about it.

I think the hardest part for me now is the realization that my dream of a life w/ H is really over. Up until now I held out some hope - but I truly don't see it ever changing. My heart is still open to it, but I don't see it. So now what do I do with wedding albums and old letters? What's going to happen to my S4's relationship w/ grandparent's out of country? How will I possibly survive a visit to them without my H? I love them dearly and they love me - how can I survive the eventuality of my H bringing Ow to his parent's home? When we lived there in 2003 they of course had pictures of us up everywhere - will all of those pic's be gone? That's the sadness I feel - it's like a "lifetime" of love, our union, is just being eraased - like it never even happened. I know my IL's love me and have told me I'll always be a part of their family, but I barely speak their language and I miss them so much.

We sure lose a lot, don't we?

And for what? Because my H didn't have the maturity to just tell me when he was so unhappy. Because he's latched on to a woman his age w/ similar interests, etc. Can it all be that easy to throw away?

Well, I know in my heart that I have done everything possible. The only thing left would have been to wait longer and I just can't find justification anymore.

I pray everyday for my family, for my S4, for the courage and strength to let go if that's what God wants me to do.

I like the prayer that H and Ow be distracted from one another - that's a good one! And that H hit rock bottom soon!

Thank you all again.

Ps..I'm in the Bay Area, CA