How do I behave around my cheating husband?

[MonicaP]

Hi imLin and others,

Thanks for sharing your experience and wisdom with me. I am taking it all to heart.

The past two days have brought me to a place of complete surrender and I believe I am ready to let go. I believe my H is not coming back and that I must go on with my life.

What brought me to this conclusion? Well, it started with a conversation about our financial matters (more on that later) and lead to talk of divorce. I think I probably brought it up first, but I am convinced that the only reason he hasn't is his cowardice. In other words, he doesn't have the b*!!s to be honest and tell me he wants out. It's the same cowardice that kept him from telling me years back that he was already unhappy and falling out of love.

He called me a bit later to tell me he had emailed me. Essentially his email was more of the same - blaming me, the mentality that he just didn't have it to give anymore, blah-blah-blah. Bottomline, he's still looking for ways to justify his R with Ow.

I emailed him back to say that I never would have given up, that I didn't know the unhappiness he felt, and that I have been doing everything in my power to learn from my mistakes and grow as a person. I also said that I believe we could have had a chance had he never met Ow.

No DB'ing here, I guess, but I am done.

Next step, I need to file bankruptcy. I contacted an attorney and will make an appt for next week I hope. She said I can file separately because H and I are now considered legally separated. But, he will also have to do something if he doesn't want my creditors coming after him.

I feel like my tasks now are to take care of this bankruptcy, get money to file for divorce, and to establish some legal boundaries. I need to take charge of my life again - I feel like it's been on hold in some ways.

Most importantly I have to heal. I have to walk through this heartbreak, deep disappointment, and confusion - to some level of acceptance, forgiveness and strength. I will pray for my H, my S4 and for myself - that we all come through this emotionally, mentally, and spiritually strong.

I will keep posting here for as long as it takes to walk through this sad, sad ending.

Thank you all for your help.