How do I behave around my cheating husband?

[MonicaP]

Today is H's birthday. I am sad because I am sure he is celebrating w/ Ow It hurts a lot to know she is giving him presents, taking him out for dinner, and *whatever*. I hate her. So I have to pray for her

I had to call H this morning to tell him that our joint bank account is in the red His company decided to change their pay schedule - with no warning (yeah right!) and because of it I don't have the funds to cover bills. Then he tells me he is barely making it and has maxed his credit cards and therefore won't be able to give me as much each month. Ugh!

I said to him (with tears) "I am so frustrated, isn't it ironic that now that we both have good/stable jobs we're not living together. His response went something like "that's not my frustration, isn't the real problem the break-up of our family". Duh! I said "that's a given". But, duh! He's the one who caused the breakup!! And continues to.

He looked up some info about how we might (each separately) consolidate our loans/credit and reduce our monthly payments. I wanted so much to bring up the D word as if it would somehow solve everything, but I held my tongue.

What I'm most afraid of as far as getting legal system involved is that it will negatively impact (trickle down to) my S4. If my H doesn't have enough money to support himself AND give me what I need then it will effect how/when he sees our S4. I don't want to do anything that will get in the way of that. Also, I know I can't squeeze blood from a turnip - he just doesn't have it to give.

He does want to sit down with a financial advisor together - so I guess that's a good sign. He won't be able to hide anything if we do that.

Today I had to ask my grandmother for money which was completely demoralizing. She is 90yrs old and "old school". She gave me some money, but not without a lecture.

I am just so tired of this - it's like a roller-coaster and I can't get off! I guess that's why I think just ending it - getting a D - will at least offer some clarity of direction. This limbo state is killing me, not to mention that H shows no signs after nearly a year since meeting Ow of letting her go.

The 2 ex-boyfriends I called in the past 6 mos are going to stay that way - ex's So, I guess I have no choice but to be alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm in no hurry to be in a new R, but it would be nice to date or to feel like there are prospects out there. I think part of me resents H for having someone and I don't. Not exactly a good reason to jump into a R, but I also don't want him to think I'm just sitting around *pining" for him.

What are your thoughts on dating at this stage in the game - anyone?