How do I behave around my cheating husband?

[MonicaP]

Hi JM and IML,

Thank you both for your feedback, I appreciate it.

This is what comes to my mind now...

Yes, getting in touch with ex-b is a risk and I have to be very cautious. So far we have talked on the phone twice and that's that. Beyond that I have no idea. I'm not going to make the decision not to talk to him or see him now because I don't feel any obligation not to.

Yesterday marked 9 mos of separation, 10 mos since I've know about Ow, and Sept 5th will mark 1 year of their A. My patience is running out. But I will continue with the MC because I see it as the only hope for getting some insight into H's state of mind. And I pray he will also get some insight.

I love him, but talking to him now is like talking to a stranger. I don't know him. I really don't see him as the same person at all.

Today he called me at 9:20am to say he hadn't left his apt yet (he's supposed to be over to see S4 by 9am and lives 40 min's away). He said he was icing his knee because he had hurt it on Friday night. I am so tired of his excuses. I told him that it would have been nice if he called me earlier to let me know. He complained about the drive (the pain) but then later took our S4 back to his place later on! I questioned his logic and he got very defensive. I said I just wanted to have a dialogue about it and ultimately we talked it through - but not without a lot of biting my tongue. I just can't trust anything he says.

I just don't know how long I should keep the door open for him to come back. I need to move on and have the freedom to live my life - no limbo, no waiting.

I'm open to miracles - that's what I think it's going to take at this point. Beyond that, I've got to go on.

I don't think there are any real rules to this - I've got to do what feels right. Some days I have a little hope, but most days I see our M as over.

I trust that God will keep walking me through this...

Keep in touch.

Monica