I understand looking back to find who you were...I did the "call the old b/f" thing too....thank GOD he didn't call me back, lol....of course I have no idea if he got the message but I sat there thinking of all the reasons that it wasn't a good idea after I talked to his mother on the phone for an hour or more...
We had actually been Jr. High sweethearts....so I was going waaaaaaaay back...but then considering I hooked up with H when I was 15, it makes sense...
So, you called him....you talked....you were reminded of who you were....now don't keep contact....as you said there were reasons you didn't stay together....if you couldn't fix them then you can't now....you need to fix what you have....even if it ends in a divorce you have to fix this first....I do hope that H comes around....I feel badly for all whose S's continue in the affair but then I realize that for some of the WAS it takes time for them to come to their senses....my H had an EA/PA for about 8 mos. as close as I can figure....but then stayed away for about a 1 1/2 yrs.....so time was still needed and I realize now that it was never about the OW....it was all about him and his pain and unresolved issues..
So I agree with JM....don't go numb....allow yourself the time to feel the pain and work it out....I know having a child limits that time but I used to take my time at night and in the morning while everyone was asleep to cry...yes, I looked like crap most of the time but then...HEY, my H had left me, who wouldn't look like crap, right?....but I got on my feet...dusted off and started plugging forward...
So keep feeling, keep talking (to us, not x b/f)....you will get all the support you need and then some here...
