How do I behave around my cheating husband?

[MonicaP]

Thank you guys for giving me some awesome feedback.

imLin, you really gave some great practical advice and I appreciate it coming from someone who has been there. It sounds like legal sep is the best option right now and I'm so glad to hear that CS isn't contingent upon my income. All I care about is making sure my S4 gets what he needs - and that I get in a stronger financial position to pick up the slack.

My H seems to be fairly driven at the moment about his job. He even made a comment in our MC, "I'm a person who cares about his career and I should have said something a long time ago"...or something to that effect. Essentially he was trying to say that he had often let his work go to "help me" with our S and therefore didn't have time to really devote to a career. Poor thing

He'll be 28 next month (I'm 38). He never showed a deep interest in Goth culture except that he loves the movie "The Crow" and wanted to be him for Halloween every year (which we never ended up doing for one reason or the other). He was always well-groomed, wore nice suit & tie to work, took pride in his style, kept his hair nice and clean (medium length), worked in the fashion industry. Now his hair is long and often in a ponytail, greasy, he's always in black clothes, he rarely smiles or laughs, etc.

When he's with our S4 he is the closest to "himself". He's very affectionate, plays with him (although still seems preoccupied at times), reads him stories, etc. He calls him every day that he doesn't come over and either talks to him or leaves a nice message. It's the only time I hear his old voice.

As far as leaving him alone with S4, I'm not really worried much about that. I think the worst thing is just that H is preoccupied at times (not unlike our last year together) and isn't exactly "happy-go-lucky". So far H comes to my apt and stays here w/ S4. During the week I'm usually home so it's only Sunday that he has all day with him. I just keep observing H and S4 for any signs it's not a healthy sitch.

I appreciate your suggestion about staying out of new R until legally sep and after some healing time. I don't feel in any way, shape or form ready to get involved in something new. But contacting ex-boyfriend seems like a fun diversion. The first one I contacted lives across country and hasn't responded to my last email (quite a while ago) so I'm not holding my breath - and I'm ok with it. The recent ex I contacted is local and we've so far exchanged a couple of emails - very brief and friendly. I think it's a way for me to reconnect with parts of myself I had long forgotten.

H was over today all day and barely spoke. I'm not sure if it was because he was picking up on my aloofness, but later (after I'd been out all day) we chatted a bit more.

I can't believe you've been doing this for 2 years! How do you do it? You mentioned the changes in your H, what kinds of things?

Thanks again for your support...