How do I behave around my cheating husband?

[MonicaP]

JokerMan - thanks again for your comments. Do you have a plan about telling W yet about A? For what it's worth, IMO, the TRUTH is always better (barring severe needless emotional injury). I would rather KNOW than NOT KNOW.

Flip - I feel for you, this stuff is hard core. I wonder if I'll ever see the day when my H actually understands the pain he has brought upon our family. I don't mean his selfish guilt and shame, I mean true - unconditional love where he "gets it". I wish he understood the impact and implications his behavior has on our S4's development. DENIAL is still his M.O.

H called this morning to warn that something had gone wrong w/ his last paycheck and that his company was issuing new one. All my bills were written on that check and therefore are now going under overdraft protection on MY credit card. Once he gets paid (today) I can turn around and put it on the credit card...BUT, this prompted me to bring up the whole subject of our finances. Now I have a question...

As I was bringing up our joint finances, pointing out that a bulk of my bills are for the care of our S4 and that he needs to put an upcoming bonus toward paying down some debt...H reacted somewhat defensively saying he doesn't know whether he'll get bonus and doesn't want me to be disappointed if he doesn't. He then said that we should probably sit down with a financial mediator who could help us figure this all out. I agreed (something we've already discussed). Well, immediately afterward he added "well, there's no rush" (or something to that effect).

I'm curious if the reason he doesn't mind waiting is because he's waiting for my job to go F/T (Oct 1st) so I will be making more money and therefore will (theoretically) need less from him. Is he that much of an a-hole I wonder.

I haven't wanted to push the financial thing because I fear that if I do it might negate any of the help we might get through MC. In other words, if he's just pissed about - and paranoid about - me wanting a set amount of money from him which might turn out to be more than he's giving me now - any progress we might make in MC will be foreshadowed.

Any thoughts on that?

Another thing...

H was over watching S4 last night and when I mentioned S would be starting new school on Aug 14th he brought up his own Birthday which is days later. There was no obvious relationship between my S's new school and H's birthday. I'm wondering why he brought it up. Anyway, I told him I would wish him a Happy Birthday and he tried to play it down by saying "oh, I'll just be one year older...it's not like it was when I was a kid...when I looked forward to my birthday" (or something along those lines). I got a little sad and said "I remember a lot of fun birthdays" implying we had celebrated our birthdays together for a long time and they were good. He just said nothing.

Am I imagining it, or is his armor cracking a little bit? I mean, what the heck does his Bday have to do with me now? Why would he bring it up sounding so "down" about it.

Well, S4 is going crazy in our hot apt - better go out.