MonicaP, I will give you a perspective from a cheating husband - I know, I'm a sack of crap.
When I left my wife, she had a day or two of crying. After that the crying was over (keep in mind she did not know I had OW).
My affair went on for a few months. Long story short, my wife kept treating me with respect and love. Not goo goo goo love, just support and love.
I contacted a lawyer to file for D. I was concerned about custody. His advice was to move back into the house for a year then file (the state laws here frown on a spouse who left the home when kids are involved.)
So I was still in "love" with OW. I forwarded her the e-mail from the lawyer. She hit the roof. She went freaking nuts. She told me she hated me, she told me how twisted and hateful I was blah, blah blah.
Then she told me I had to make a decision. I had to either stay with her or lose her.
I had been on the slow path of clarity for about a month. This TOTALLY lifted the cloud on how selfish OW are.
----- side note How could someone who "loves you" want you to be with them knowing you will lose 50/50 custody??? ----- Well that's when my wifes weeks of kindness and gentleness hit home.
I cut it off with the OW. I am willing to give my marriage another shot, even though we have problems.
But bottom line by the way my wife acted and the OW, that was the final factor that gave me my clarity.
