How do I behave around my cheating husband?

[Peaceful]

I too wish I knew if H misses us. I just can't understand how he couldn't! How he could just become this whole other person. I have gone 5 days and about 15 hours without contacting him. I was thinking about how much I want to email him and ask him:
Is this really happening? Can it really be true that you are with OW and not with me? Can it really be that you don't love me anymore, that you don't want to be my husband? Is this really happening? Did I really wake up this morning, yesterday and tomorrow without you here with me? Did you really leave me? Did you really throw away all we hoped for? Why wouldn't you want to put effort into our M so you can be sure this is really the right thing to do? How will you know you don't want this M if you didn't even try to fix it? Did you really lie and cheat? Did you really?

So, now I am sending it to you instead of him.

[Peaceful]

Right now I would like to send an email saying:

You must be dying if you are still sick. You are not a good friend. You are an A$$.

He told me 2 weeks ago that he was too sick to take me out and that he's let me know when he felt better. Of course he went out with OW the next evening. OH I AM SO MAD!

[kafira]

I totally understand how you're feeling. I've been there. It gets better. Stay busy and remember -- he'll eventually call or come by and you have to be doing your best DBing. Look good, act positive, don't act bothered AT ALL about the OW. In fact, I think if he calls...you should probably not answer and let it go to voicemail and then call him back when YOU are ready.

[MonicaP]

Dear Peaceful & Lizemba,

I'm glad to read your posts...

Peaceful ~ I can relate to your pain! It's totally surreal...the acceptance process is agonizingly slow. It is still so difficult to believe that this is "us", that H is w/ Ow and seems to be putting down some roots. He seems less ambivalent and more comfortable with our separation.

Tomorrow is our 8th anniversary (of the day we met) and H has agreed to pick up S3.5 from preschool and bring him home (here). I'm anxious about seeing him on our anniversary, it was always a wonderfully special day.

Well, I agree with Lizemba - it gets better. GAL, stay busy, and keep my mouth shut is what works for me.

I'm exhausted - started a new job today and I'm beat.

Keep in touch ~

[Peaceful]

Oh hell, I messed up!

D9 sent him a text saying mom is mad at you so she will call you next week. Then I sent a text saying that she is a tattletale, but that I am angry, finally. Then I sent a text saying, "are you dead? you've been sick a long time."

No responses at all. So then I worked myself up into a mess imagining what he must be doing with OW that he didn't respond!

*sigh*

Then I woke up at 4 am sobbing because I had a dream he was dying and I couldn't save him, so I sent an email saying as much.

*sigh* (again)

Back on the wagon!

Oh I miss him SO much!

[grasshopper]

I believe in true and everlasting love.

And I believe in Santa Claus too but in both cases there usually ends up being a fat guy in an ill-fitting suit trying to fit down your chimney...lol. (BTW, I believe in everlasting love too, I just now know how much hard work it is).

Sorry, trying to put a little smile on your face today.

I know things are hard. Realize that missing him is one thing, needing him is another. Make sure you are working towards not NEEDING him. It will show in your communications when they resume.

GH

[superstressed]

Monica,

I hope your day went OK today. I know anniversaries can be tough. Sometimes I think the worst thing is how we build them up in our head and think that our WAS doesn't care.

I wish I knew if he even missed me/us at all.

This is something I've often wondered too. Sometimes my H would ask me if I thought he was going to forget about me and I would respond, "Yes. I think you're trying to forget about me."

Every time he responded that he could never forget me. I can't imagine your H is so terribly different, and you and your H have a child together where my H and I do not.

Find something else to do. Back off, become mysterious. Let him wonder what YOU are doing.

This is excellent advice. As hard as it is, try to find something to do to make yourself happy.


SuperStressed

[MonicaP]

Hi superstressed,

Thanks for checking in with me on my anniversary, that was really sweet. You are absolutely right, my anxiety came from what I was building up in my head about it and today was actually a "normal" day. I think my new job (2nd day today) is going to keep my thoughts distracted. I was a little nervous about H coming over tonight, but miraculously I didn't fall apart and I never brought it up. He never mentioned it either.

I've been more distant from H lately, forcing myself to even make small talk. My anger is bubbling and its hard to see him when I feel this way. But I really have no alternatives, I don't want my S3.5 to suffer needlessly.

Well, I'm completely exhausted and practically falling asleep, but thanks again for your post.

Take care -

[MonicaP]

Hi Peaceful,

I know the pain of loss is so heavy right now, I'm sorry you're going through this. All I can say is that it gets a little better as time - and a lot of DB'ing - goes by.

I want to write more but tonight I am so exhausted - I will catch up this weekend.

Hang in there

M

[MonicaP]

Well, I made it through our anniversary without too much pain and suffering Actually, because of my new job I didn't have much time to think about it, and later - when H came over to see S3.5 - I kept more to myself. Neither of us mentioned it. It feels strange to have let the day pass without any acknowledgement - sad.

Tonight H was over again to see S3.5 and I was feeling more able (emotionally) to "chat". I brought up my new job, how much I like it, and some things relevant to our son. He said "well, you always did want to work in a place w/ kids" and seemed to be listening. We also spent a few minutes more talking before he left because tomorrow he leaves on a business trip through Thursday. I asked him a little about his trip and his job.

I did suggest that we postpone our Thurs MC appt because it's our 1st one w. new MC and he'll have jet lag. He said several times that he would still go, but I also pointed out that we really don't have the money. I want to go too, but there's also a part of me that's scared he wants to drop the D-bomb in a "safe" place. I guess I can't avoid it forever.

Why has he taken so long to push for divorce? I don't get it! He's the one who's (supposedly) met the woman of his dreams and should be living happily ever after by now. My theory is that it has to do with money. I think he's afraid I'll get more than he's giving me right now - and that ain't much. He did write me an email a while back saying he has been waiting to be sure in his heart - but the rest of his email didn't make it clear to me whether he was "sure" or not.

Well, once again I'm exhausted and now I have a big week/end ahead as a single mom