Nothing significant has happened in the past couple of weeks, except that I see my H becoming more comfortable with our separation and less guilty. He just seems to be "ok" with coming and goings to see S3.5 and letting me know he has other "commitments".
He has now been w/ Ow for 10 months, I've known about Ow for 9 mos, we've been separated 8 mos.
We have a MC appt set for 7/13 ~ a new C ~ for the sake of continuing communication for S3.5. I am very, very anxious as I think he might be waiting to get into that "safe" environment to drop the D-bomb. Part of me doesn't even want to go.
I feel like I might need to end it before he does - file for D just so he doesn't get the chance first. The whole concept that it takes more integrity, strength, courage, etc to NOT file is escaping me. I don't want to end up feeling that complete and utter rejection - more than I already feel.
And I still haven't accepted this whole thing ~ after nearly 8 mos. I still feel like it's all so surreal. "Just yesterday" we were totally in love.
I keep praying and praying and sometimes I feel really patient and strong and I believe in miracles. TOday is not one of those days.
Today is the 4th of July and H is out w/ Ow all day, coming over later to be w/ S3.5. I don't even want to face him knowing that he has just come from arms of Ow. It's nauseating.
When is this going to end???
I could really use some feedback...
Thanks
Monica
My sitch: Me 40 H 30 M 8 yrs 1 S5.5 Bomb Oct 2005 Sep Nov 2005 H w/ Ow I filed for LS June 2007 H responded w/ D 2007 I have sole P custody, joint L Just need to take care of Final Judgement papers
