How do I behave around my cheating husband?

[MonicaP]

Hi Superstressed,

Wow, so you're well aware of the hoops we had to jump through to even be together in the first place. Fortunately we didn't have much pressure from family because everyone knew how much in love we were. In fact, after our civil (legal) ceremony we had 2 more weddings - one in the US and one in Italy. We spent thousands of dollars in INS and legal fees to prove we married for love and we pledged to "love each other forever". When our son came we were totally in love with him and H was completely involved and bonded in every way.

Then "real life" set in I guess. I was a new mom, H was working hard to get ahead, I was depressed about a falling out with my mom and pushed for us to move to H's native country "to be near his family, culture, etc". H agreed and we either stored or sold our belongings and moved with the intention of staying 2 years.

This is when H claims "something broke" between us. He saw me feeling miserable and alone and despite his efforts he couldn't make me happy. He withdrew more and more. After 6 months we agreed to move back to US and start over. H was humiliated by his father who came down very hard on him before we left.

Ok, now H claims he didn't want to move back to his country at that time and blames me for his inability to voice that strongly enough. I've apologized to him for whatever I have done to make him feel he can't talk to me, but beyond that I am no mind-reader and didn't know.

His father is a good man, his parent's have been together 30 + yrs, they've worked hard and made their family their #1 priority. Sadly however, when my H was growing up his F was very strict and H could "never measure up". No matter what he did (was successful in school, stayed out of trouble, etc) it seemed he wasn't "good enough" for his F.

So, my belief is that my H has transferred all of his anger for F onto me. I think he started to fear that our M would somehow end up like his parent's - based in large part on some false sense of honor and duty, rather than on the love we shared. Let's face it, when we had our child our R changed. We didn't make our M #1 anymore and we got complacent.

I am curious, you mentioned your H seems more interested in you as you begin to have other interests...what does he do to demonstrate his interest in you?

I am wondering if I am missing any signals my H might be giving out. He does try to talk to me more often now and seems nicer, but I keep thinking it's because he is feeling less guilty and more sure of R w/ Ow.

He left a mssg tonight for S3.5 has he always does and then mentioned he spoke with new MC about making an appt - says we can see her this Thursday. His tone of voice sounded upbeat.

Well, I'm rambling, I just have so much in my head about this...

Thanks for listening and keeping tabs on me.

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