How do I behave around my cheating husband?

[MonicaP]

Journaling...

I'm feeling sad today, missing my H, the one I married. This morning at breakfast my S3.5 sat down in "daddy's chair" and said "this isn't daddy's chair anymore". My heart broke.

We might have found a new MC, someone pro-marriage. My H is supposed to talk to her today and then we will make an appt. I wonder if seeing her will make a difference. Our former MC was incompetent.

Summer is hard for me. We always did so many fun things in the Summer - travels, trips to the beach, day trips, etc. This was the year I wanted us to go to Disneyland and now that dream is dashed. A friend invited me and S3.5, but I just don't think I can afford it and think i might end up feeling depressed anyway.

Some days I feel strong, today is not one of them.

Last night H was over to see S3.5 and barely spoke to me. On Sunday he initiated conversation and seemed more engaged. Yesterday he seemed depressed. And if I bring up something that can even remotely be misinterpreted - and I mean remotely! - he will jump on it.

How long am I going to be in this hell

Where did he go? Where did our wonderful life together go? I don't understand why he can't remember the incredible loving moments, days, weeks, months, years we spent being best friends.

But I guess that was all just an illusion. He wasn't really being true, he wasn't being himself. Or at least he says that now. He says, that was 80% him, and the other 20% he was too afraid to show. Guess that's his interest in Goth and that whole "underworld" scene.

I know I'm feeling sorry for myself. Now I have to go pick up S3.5 and will have dinner out with another mom friend and her D4.5.

H will be over tomorrow to see S again. I wonder what mood he'll be in.

Friday, if I can coordinate it, I'm going out with a girlfriend to dinner while H watches S, then babysitter comes (H won't stay late). I can't wait to wear my new black dress!

Bye for now...