First off, I think all of what you are feeling is natural, and all of what he's doing is too. He DOES sound like a MLCer but also, and maybe more accurately, he is someone who changes himself for the person he's with. You said he's gotten into the goth culture since being with OW, who I assume is also into that, and was first. He's just molding himself into something she wants, but that MAY work in your favor if eventually he realizes that it's not really him.
As for you, what are you doing to make yourself better? Do you understand detachment and the need for it, especially in a case like yours where the affair continues and you have chosen to accept that? IF you accept that as the status-quo (which I did too, so it's not a judgment, at least from me), then you owe it to yourself to learn to detach. You CANNOT dwell, or even react to his little comments, cell phone closings or long walks to the dumpster...btw, he takes a walk to the dumpster to talk to her...tells you something, lol.
Anyway, you need to first of all, accept that this A is still going on, AND that H is for some reason (I suspect because like most WAS, he's a bit confused) still trying to keep tabs on you, make excuses for his actions as if he really cares, and make small talk.
I suggest that participating in this is ALL up to you. If it hurts you too much to have him over so much, arrange for him to take S3.5 out instead of seeing him in the house, or arrange to be gone when he visits.
If you decide not to do this, and continue to see him, do it without expectation or attachment. Fully understand what he is doing and what YOU are doing too. He is cheating and confused, you are a LBS with an obligation to heal yourself and move forward (notice, I didn't say AWAY) in your OWN life.
Quote: I don't feel like being friendly to someone who has betrayed me so terribly, yet I don't want to be a b#@& to him either (take my anger out on him, etc) for my sake and definitely for our S's sake.
Ok, so don't...or DO, but do it differently. There IS a middle ground between friendly and b!tch. Find that place. Be cordial, but don't go out of your way to stick around after that. Tell him you are uncomfortable and that feeling that way is making you angry all over again, something you don't want to do.
OR, learn to detach, which will allow YOU to remain friendly if you want to AND feel a lot less pain from these exchanges. Once you take away his power to affect you so much, you win...period.
Quote: I just feel so awkward making small talk with him now. And on the other hand, i wonder if these little exchanges will help him/us get back on the same path.
Ok, I don't know really what you meant by "the same path". Is that good or bad. I say bad. You don't want to be on any path that you were on in your old marriage. You want a new path, one paved with self-analysis, growth and 180's. If it feels like it used to feel, then it's probably not the right thing. You want it to feel better, different.
Lastly, a couple questions. First, what caused your marriage to crumble other than this affair? Secondly, what changes are you making in your own life to make yourself better?
