Im at a loss. It's been 7 months since H and I separated as the result of his (ongoing) A - I've really started to GAL but just can't find a consistent way to behave around him. Because he comes to my place to visit our S3.5 about 3-4x/wk I am forced to see him often. In fact, during the week I typically prepare dinner for all 3 of us and we eat together. Afterward I try to find something to do to get out of their way (give them a chance to play) and do something for myself. But it's during the dinners, and interactions around our S (story time, bed time, etc) that I find myself jumping all over place emotionally. Something might trigger a memory, for example, reading stories to our S and hearing my H's voice so much - I think, wow, I rarely hear his voice anymore and now Ow does! I've always loved his voice and now it's just painful to hear. Another example of where I get confused about how to interact with him is....oftentimes H will stick around talking to me while I'm doing the dishes after dinner. Instead of following our S to play, H will stay and try to make some sort of conversation. Last week H made it a point to bring up the fact that he had had dinner with an old friend (someone I know and like). He went on to tell me in detail how friend and his wife are having marital problems again. I responded with some compassion, but tried to keep the spotlight on friends, although we might as well have been talking about us. I thought it was interesting that H was discussing this with me. Another example of what confuses me is that my H goes out of his way (without me prying) to tell me - for example - why he's wearing shorts/t-shirt "coming from work". I never asked but he found a way to explain how the AC had broken down at work and he stopped home to change. Another ex: H asked me upon arrival if I needed the garbage taken out - I said yeah - (the dumpster is 100 yards away) and 10 min's later he comes back complaining about what a mess it was around the dumpster, but in fact I had just been there with some recycling and it was perfectly fine Obviously (to me) he went to c Ow on cell phone (something he pulled when we were still living together). Then, another ex; I walked into the kitchen unexpectedly and he quickly flipped his cell phone shut. I rolled my eyes and he said "I had a work call". I said "fine, then why did you shut it off so quickly?" and he just said he knew it bothered me. Ugh. I just don't know how to react/respond when I KNOW he is lying outright. Does he honestly believe that I believe his excuses? I've tried to take the position that whatever he does now is none of my business - except when it comes to our S and mutual finances. I just don't know why he continues to feel the need to BS me when I already know about the Ow and know what he says he feels for her. Why doesn't he just own up to it? I suppose it's the guilt, it's pathetic. The last weird thing that happened this week was that he returned our/my massager after borrowing it months ago. I never asked him about it and frankly didn't want it back because I knew he used it w/ Ow. How disgusting!!! Ow was in a serious accident (hit by a car while walking) around the holidays and H has taken it upon himself to be her "Florence Nightengale". SO, when he showed up one night complaining of a back ache and asked to borrow the massager, I was so hurt. We received it as a gift and used it together over the years. How could he be so callous as to use something we used (of an intimate nature) with Ow? Ok, I know I'm not the only one dealing with an "alien" H in full-blown MLC. MY H though is 28 yrs old - so I guess he's in the quarter life crisis. Anyway, we're in somewhat of a state of limbo at the moment. I recently fired our MC who was AWFUL. She made remarks recently like (referring to H affair) "you know, sometimes these things just happen" and (referring to my request that H not expose S3.5 to Ow for 6 more months) "that's your issue, I don't think it would be injurious to your son - he wouldn't know the difference anyway"!!! Well, that was last week and H actually suggested that we continue once/month, and agreed that we could find someone else. He continues to develop R w/ Ow, believes he's in love, has gotten heavily into the Goth sub-culture, and says he's "resigned to dissolving our marriage". Ok, so, how do i relate to him now? I don't feel like being friendly to someone who has betrayed me so terribly, yet I don't want to be a b#@& to him either (take my anger out on him, etc) for my sake and definitely for our S's sake. I just feel so awkward making small talk with him now. And on the other hand, i wonder if these little exchanges will help him/us get back on the same path. Any advice out there???
Monica
My sitch: Me 40 H 30 M 8 yrs 1 S5.5 Bomb Oct 2005 Sep Nov 2005 H w/ Ow I filed for LS June 2007 H responded w/ D 2007 I have sole P custody, joint L Just need to take care of Final Judgement papers
Obviously (to me) he went to c Ow on cell phone (something he pulled when we were still living together). Then, another ex; I walked into the kitchen unexpectedly and he quickly flipped his cell phone shut. I rolled my eyes and he said "I had a work call". I said "fine, then why did you shut it off so quickly?" and he just said he knew it bothered me. Ugh. I just don't know how to react/respond when I KNOW he is lying outright. Does he honestly believe that I believe his excuses? I've tried to take the position that whatever he does now is none of my business - except when it comes to our S and mutual finances. I just don't know why he continues to feel the need to BS me when I already know about the Ow and know what he says he feels for her. Why doesn't he just own up to it? I suppose it's the guilt, it's pathetic. The last weird thing that happened this week was that he returned our/my massager after borrowing it months ago. I never asked him about it and frankly didn't want it back because I knew he used it w/ Ow. How disgusting!!! Ow was in a serious accident (hit by a car while walking) around the holidays and H has taken it upon himself to be her "Florence Nightengale". SO, when he showed up one night complaining of a back ache and asked to borrow the massager, I was so hurt. We received it as a gift and used it together over the years. How could he be so callous as to use something we used (of an intimate nature) with Ow? Ok, I know I'm not the only one dealing with an "alien" H in full-blown MLC. MY H though is 28 yrs old - so I guess he's in the quarter life crisis. Anyway, we're in somewhat of a state of limbo at the moment. I recently fired our MC who was AWFUL. She made remarks recently like (referring to H affair) "you know, sometimes these things just happen" and (referring to my request that H not expose S3.5 to Ow for 6 more months) "that's your issue, I don't think it would be injurious to your son - he wouldn't know the difference anyway"!!! Well, that was last week and H actually suggested that we continue once/month, and agreed that we could find someone else. He continues to develop R w/ Ow, believes he's in love, has gotten heavily into the Goth sub-culture, and says he's "resigned to dissolving our marriage". Ok, so, how do i relate to him now? I don't feel like being friendly to someone who has betrayed me so terribly, yet I don't want to be a b#@& to him either (take my anger out on him, etc) for my sake and definitely for our S's sake. I just feel so awkward making small talk with him now. And on the other hand, i wonder if these little exchanges will help him/us get back on the same path. Any advice out there??? 
