My W is exhausted. I’m exhausted. We don’t have time for ourselves, and we don’t have time for each other. I don’t know any way around it. Just goin’ with the flow. It’s all we can do.
I’ve posted with wild mood swings a lot. Both of our exhaustion certainly doesn’t help that.
Right now, all I want to do is cry. It doesn’t make sense because last night was possibly the best night of my R in over a year.
But, I’m tired. Oh so tired.
Well, maybe I should tell you all why last night was so great.
I’ve mentioned before that W has felt that I am a barrier to her having the things she wants. Well, yesterday I proved her wrong by making the financial arrangements for her bike. I did not do this grudgingly, and it was apparent to her that I was happy to do it.
We’re discussing ways to afford this expense, and even a bike for me. We’re on the same team. This is a far cry from a few short weeks ago when she was afraid to even mention her desire for a bike.
So, now we’re both excited about it. Nice.
Last night I had a nice time with the kids. D#1 (who recently got her learner’s permit to drive) drove us to the local ice cream shop while W was at kickboxing. Nice.
I asked W for sex. Recently her response has been less than enthusiastic. Usually, she made a face like I was proposing to feed her a bowl of worms, long hesitation, followed by something like “I’m really tired, but I guess tonight’s as good as any.” Last night, she simply said Yeah, and she actually seemed to enjoy it. Nice.
Things are looking up. Attitudes are changing. I think her perception of me is changing precisely because of what Lily said. I’ve decided that I’d rather be happy than right.
This morning, W restated that we can’t ride together for now. I think this is wrong. I think we need to do more as a couple. But it gives me no joy to let her be right about this. It doesn’t make me happy to be “wrong.”
Dunno. Maybe it’s just the fatigue.
I know things are much better now. Must be an accumulation of stress that’s dragging me down.
But, as tree is fond of saying, this too shall pass.
