My H's A only lasted about 4 months before I found out. I saw a picture of the OW and she was just an average looking woman,a little plump maybe. She was only 5 years younger that me. I think after all the conversations with H he wasn't with her just for the sex. She was easy to talk to and she seemed to understand him. Anyway,the day I found out my H had just gone out of town (thankfully not to where he had met the OW). I called him and told him I knew about her and really ruined his week end [Big Grin] . When he got home we sat down and really talked for the first time in a LONG time. Then for the first time in many many months,I went to bed with him (not hours later like usual). I also didn't crawl into bed wearing a night shirt and stick to my side of the bed. I think it really surprised him that I came into the bedroom with him,stripped down and crawled in next him. He held onto me so tight for so long and we cuddled all night. He told me that he had really missed that with me. Don't really know why I had stopped doing it. We were just both so unhappy. Anyway,I knew I wasn't ready to make love but really didn't need that -I needed the closeness. He called the OW with me on the extension and told her that their R was over because he loved me,had never stopped loving me and wanted to fix our R. That night and the next night I went to bed with him and we cuddled and held each other all night. Then The next night I told him (while we were holding each other) that whenever he was ready to make love I was. I told him I was nervous and a little scared because I didn't know if I would be able to forget that he had held,touched and had sex with someone else. He admitted to being scared too. He was afraid that he would disappoint me and that the hurt and anger would cloud my ability to enjoy his love making. We just held each other and then slowly began to caress and kiss. One thing led to another and the only thing on my mind was the way he was making me feel. It was beautiful and fulfilling for both of us. I'm not saying that I didn't get a sick feeling sometimes when I thought of him with the OW and I got angry and sometimes felt I would throw up (it has gotten better and it has been over a year since he was with her). The trick is to NOT let those thoughts into the bedroom with you and your H. I obsessed a lot about it and would wonder things like, "was she better in bed", "was she sexier", "did they do the same things we do". As I began healing those thoughts became fewer and fewer. Maybe I am "weird" or something but I just made up my mind that I was not going to allow the thoughts of this B ruin something special between me and my H. My H says that men can separate "sex" and "love". He says that a man can make love to the woman he loves but he can have sex with a woman he doesn't love or even have feelings for. He thinks that women can't separate sex and love -that they have to love the man they are having sex with. I am not sure I totally agree with that because there are women who have a lot of sex with a lot of men and you know they don't "love" all of them. When I decided to forgive my H for cheating,I knew that I had to totally forgive him for everything. It wasn't easy to forgive and it wasn't easy to trust him again but time had been a healer. It has been over a year and the pain isn't as sharp and I have never regreted one moment that I forgave him. We are both so happy and more in love than ever. I hope and I pray that you find the peace and happiness in your R with your H that I have. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Pfroglady