Matilda - thanks for replying. I have been reading your thread this past week and I think it was awesome of you to confront OW! I saw several similarities in your sit that I am dealing with. Isn't it funny how their desire to feel "special" totally overshadowed the VERY obvious fact that if they acted out just to "feel special" because they were not feeling special in their marriage that they would in turn be making someone they cared about feel the same way they were feeling - not special in their marriage?? DUH! I told H that there were MANY MANY times that I didn't feel that he loves, respected or wanted me but I did NOT go find someone else to "make me feel special" - I found other things to occupy myself & fill that void.

I read on one of the thread (can't remember who's) that said that it is harder for a guy to get over his W having an A because they are such visual "creatures". apparently the images that they have in their head are really VIVID and getting past them is nearly impossible for some guys. Interesting huh?

I have also realized from talking to H (like you said) that him feeling loved, respected, wanted, admired, attractive, etc is what will keep him "home" - so to speak. You know, that kinda bugs me ---- what ever happened to "for better or worse" and "moral fiber"??? Now I wrestle with the possibility of him not feeling "happy" in the future but not telling me & acting out again.

I may have been wrong in doing so but I told H that if he acted out again I would not take him back because that would mean to me that honesty, openness, communication, respect & all the other things we are working to accomplish will have been discarded in our marriage. I told him that I was not making threats but rather I was telling him how important it is that we make sure we not get to this point again & that I would expect him not to take me back if I acted out. My H is VERY VERY bad about confrontation - obviously, he lied to me for 3 years about his first ONS that I pretty much was sure he had. I want him to be comfortable enough with me to tell me if he feels he is being neglected in some way or if work is really getting to him (which it does). He bottles things up and then basically EXPLODES.

well enough babbling [Razz]

thanks for the reply - any more good advice would be appreciated.

Oh, and U - you are very right that you are only as old as you feel. And I truely believe that women/girls who would mess with a married man are destine to go thru the pain they have caused the spouses of their lovers. I remember being in my early 20's and my boss (married 2 kids) came to me one day & professed his "love" for me and that he was thinking of D and wanted to know how I felt about him. He was a good friend, attractive, never tried anything, etc. Well I told him in no uncertain terms that he was special to me but I could not live with myself knowing that I had any part of breaking up a marriage of 15 years. I immediately started looking for another job, backed away form him BIG TIME and finally left the sit. Well he never did get a D - they are still married and I am to this day glad I did what I did. Why can't the OW in our sit be like that? GGGGGRRRRRRR

Well - back to work. I had some salad at lunch. I feel better. [Razz]