It's been almost 7 months since H dropped the bomb on me and I still have those feelings of it not being "special". We've talked alot about that - H said same thing to me about the intimacy that we share is what makes it special to him. Apparently the sex wasn't ever that good with the OW because of the guilt, shame, deceit, lies -- all the crap that goes along with it. He tells me that being with me just "feels right". So, my question, why in hell did it take you 8 months to realize that?
For me, I'm not sure I will ever feel the same as I did before. I do share a very intimate and joyful love life with my H, but as you say, when it's been shared with another it just takes the specialness away. I hope that can change someday. I need to feel special again.
In my case the OW was 10 years young, also. Trust me, that makes no difference. I saw her, confronted her face-to-face. She looked like she could've been 5 years older than me! So don't obsess about that. Unfortunately, I've come to realize it's not about looks - or even about the sex. It's all about how the OW makes them "feel." Yes, he felt "special" because of her attention - at least for a little while. Sure doesn't make up for the way he's feeling now. I've never vomited thinking about them together -- cried, yes; vomited, no. H is the one who vomites at the thought of her. Yes, even this week when we talked about it the next morning he was throwing up. Don't feel so "special" now, do you dear?
I don't know about forgiving the OW. When I confronted OW she asked me to forgive her. I told her I'd put all my engery into forgiving my H as he was working hard on a daily basis to earn my forgiveness. She's not simply not worth the effort to me. Cuz I do think it takes work to forgive someone. Yes, I'm Christian and know I should forgive her, but I'll just leave that up to God. She's his problem now.
Good luck, hon. Take Lily's advice. Just shut out those images (believe me, I know how hard it is) and enjoy each other. It'll get better. Actually, come to think of it, since I confronted the OW about two weeks ago I haven't had those images when H and I are together -- interesting.
