thank you Lily. It helps a lot knowing that I'm not alone on feeling this way.

Right now I am at the vomit stage & don't dare eat anything.

I have lots planned this weekend to keep me busy while he is gone - I don't want to feel like this when he comes back Sunday.

H told me that the two ONS didn't mean anything to him and he never saw them again (one is in another state) and the EA he did not progress to a PA (which oddly enough I do believe). H told me that the emotional bond was missing from our relationship for a long time and now H says he loves me more than when we got married. H said also that the emotion intimacy is what makes it different than the ONS and special to him.

Last week he told me that I was a good woman. I started to cry a little. He asked my why I was crying & I told him that he had NEVER told me that in all our years of being together (about 8) and that they weren't tears of sadness but tears of joy that I was crying. He smiled, held me and told me that he was sorry for not telling me that before but that he always thought it.

I guess I need to hold on to that moment and when a bad "image" comes in my head I need to force myself to remeber that - and all the other things that are happening now that I have wished for for 7 years.

I would love the verses you have for forgiving OW. I have tried to understand that if it wasn't them it would have been someone else. And I thank God tht I don't know what they look like - now that would drive me insane. The hardest thing is knowing how much younger they were than me - about 10 years OUCH. That't the one thing they had that I can never give my H - youth [Frown]

I am forcing myself to go out at lunchtime just to get out of this bldg - maybe I'll try to get a milk shake or something to treat myself.

thanks again Lily [Smile]