short history ------ okay H told me on 3/11/02 about two ONS (one 3 years ago & 1 in Oct 2001) and an EA (just ended) that he had. Divorce is definately busted (thanks to DB/DR & all of you guys). I was doing okay with putting all this behind me until last night when everything went to hell in a handbasket!

H is going on a motorcycle weekend trip with his dad this weekend & then leaving on a business trip for 10 days Monday morning --- so I wanted last night to be special - if you know what I mean.

Well everything was going very well UNTIL (after several beers) I got this vivid image in my head of my H with these OW. I couldn't shake it at all. The hurt of knowing that everything we were doing he had done with at least two OW just made me feel very NON-SPECIAL. he could tell I was troubled but I really didn't want to talk too much about it since we had both been drinking but my mood definately changed and my body would not respond because my mind was some place else.

This morning it's still here - how is what we have physically special when he had no problem sharing it with OW. To know that he touched them like he touches me, and vise-versa makes me want to throw up! [Mad]

It's been about a month since I had confirmation of the ONS & EA.

Is this a normal part of the process of healing? I have C appt monday & I will ask her. I also checked out the book "after the Affair" but haven't started reading it yet - this weekend.

Is anyone else going thru this or has gotten thru this? How do you make your intimate life feel special again?

He has come so far - and so have I. we talked about the reasons behind his unfaithfulness and what we needed to do to keep it from happening again and we are in C seperately (for now). I have forgiven him and try to see him as a good man who made some mistakes & has some problems of his own to deal with. Been dbing my but off for the last month but now that the crisis of the bomb is subsiding I find many feelings coming out that I know I need to deal with BUT don't want to bombard him with them.

This is very overwhelming and my PMA is in the negative right now. I did my best not to talk too much about it and "send him off" with a smile for his weekend with dad but now I feel very alone and hurt.

Please tell me this goes away [Frown] [Frown]

[ April 19, 2002, 09:06 AM: Message edited by: purplekat ]