Cat, I've never posted to you, nor do I know your situation very well. I have only read this thread and I have a couple things to say.
First, congrats on getting this far. It's a HUGE thing to be able to do the work necessary to remain patient, let alone all the other hard work that needs to be done.
Second, as I posted mainly as a reminder to myself, on my thread (on the Infidelity board) today, this is all about them WANTING to be back. No matter what else is going on or not going on, it's all about what each of us want and then what we are willing to do to get it. Obviously he wants to be back home to some extent, and was willing to take a huge emotional risk and leap of faith to do so. You obviously wanted this too because you choose to be in hell standing strong rather than enter purgatory on your knees. Heaven awaits but only for those who long to rise above even where their own feet can carry them.
My point is that you fought SO hard (it sounds like) and you are feeling all the natural emotions that you were prevented from feeling, either because you denied them, or didn't know how to feel them. Now all the resentment, the anger, and built up frustration is able to come out because you are not spending all your time and energy fighting this battle anymore. Now you are free to really FEEL what you went through in different ways than before.
I think if you really focus on what you have, and as my C told me yesterday, just allow yourself to believe that things are already ok, you don't have to make them so. Relationships, good ones, bad ones, reconciling one, are ALL processes and as such are constantly evolving. At some point we all have to let go a bit and allow that evolution to proceed without our tampering.
I think you know what you need to be doing. You spent a long time doing it alone, now you just need to keep doing it in the presence of this man you love, and THAT's the really hard part. Trust me, I know.
