Cat hang in there....I am new to this part of the board...my H has been back for a few months now...he still won't say "I love you"....I don't give up....I always hug him, I tell him he smells nice (he does too) I am sure to thank him for the little things he does, and of course the bigger things.... If something is really bothering me that he does I bring it up lightly...as a suggestion then let it drop....most of the time he makes note...but if he doesn't I have to deal with it.... About the alarm....it does sound like he is testing your unconditional love....try ear plugs if you have to...or just use the wake up time for a little extra prayer and meditation on your day....but don't say anything about it....it will give him an excuse to leave the bedroom again... In bed my H feels no passion....but that doesn't stop me from hugging him and showing some affection....you can tell what they are comfortable with...just go with it...no pressure on them....now my H will rub my back sometimes, or my head....he will even roll over and hug me now.... baby steps....no pressure....no pushing...and definitely no nagging....and sometimes what our H's perceive as nagging is us just asking the same thing or reminding them of the same thing....say it once and let it go.... Right now I am dealing with a tough situation....my H was working from home...then things occurred at the office that required him to be there and get things organized... I have asked him that if he isn't coming home to call and let me know....this way I don't wonder if he is out on the road broke down or hurt or something....he thinks that I worry way too much....I have asked him to call me....he hasn't called the last two nights....I don't try and call him....sometimes I think he might be drinking and is staying there so I won't know....and not calling me because I can always tell by his voice if he has been drinking.....he told us (the kids and I) that he wouldn't drink anymore....so I really hope he is just working and not slipping....but if he is he is at least saving us from it....and he knows he can't be home and be drinking...so really it is something he has to deal with....not me... Last night he didn't come home again and he had said he wouldn't forget to call....I won't say anything when he does come in....I will let him say it to me...our son stayed up til 1130 waiting to see him so I am sure he will say something... I did ask once if he was drinking at the office...he said he couldn't afford to be doing that....could he lie?..yes but again that is his problem and he will have to live with that... Ok...enough of me....hang in there Cat....he is home, that is the good part....just let him be....love him unconditionally....praise him when you can....in time he will come around....I know things have changed here...I am still waiting to hear "I love you"....and I am feeling more sure that I will....but it is hard, this I know....sometimes I think about the OW too....sometimes I want to tell her a few things....but like H told me one time...."do you really think she is going to care about your feelings?"....so why waste my time and energy on negative things....I need to put that to work in my M...
